Cautious Coffee

You went for it. It didn’t work out. Now what?

Posted on January 24, 2024     Leave a Comment

by DeRae Crane

I’m here to talk about failure. Bitter on the front end, and only sweetens a varying degree when washed down with a lot of reflection. The ignominious, non-motivational kind of failure that never leads to an eventual triumph and highlight reel. I’m talking about the raw, gut-punching kind that leaves you staring at the finish line you never crossed, watching someone else live your dream.

Last year, I came out of retirement from Olympic style boxing and I set out to do the only thing I’ve ever really wanted to do with my life: become an Olympian and finally get my rings! Months of relentless training, sweat-soaked mornings and evenings, aching joints and muscles filled my calendar – on top of working a corporate day job. My goal? Not just become an Olympian, but become the oldest U.S. Olympic boxer to ever lace them up. But that’s not how this story ends.

While I’m proud of everything I was able to accomplish last year, I’m still left with a gaping unfulfilled hole in my life that I’ll never be able to fill. The age limit for Olympic boxing is 40, I was 38 and nine months at the 2024 US Olympic Boxing Team Trials. Even if I was able to squeeze a few more miles out of my body and they scrapped the age limit, boxing may not even be in the 2028 Olympic games.

My Achilles heel has always been southpaws. I had about 30 bouts at the Olympic heavyweight limit, with only four loses – all to southpaws and two of those losses to the same guy at the 2016 U.S. Olympic Boxing team trials. The final bout of my boxing career? A loss to a southpaw in the semifinals of the 2024 U.S. Olympic Boxing team trials. As someone that takes ownership of everything in his life, I accept full responsibility for that gap in my skillset. It cost me my Olympic dream.

Here’s the thing about failure, as much as it sucks, I KNOW it’s not the end of my story. It’s merely a pit stop, a place to reassess life goals, gather lessons learned, and most importantly, examine intimate details about myself. It might be tempting to crawl into a self-pitying cocoon, but don’t do it! Here are a handful of things you can do to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and turn that failure into fuel for your next big audacious goal (BAG, tag em’ and BAG em’):

1. Acknowledge the sting. Grieve for as long as it takes, eventually you’ll be able to let it go. It’s okay to feel the disappointment, the frustration, the anger, and the heartache. Ignoring it won’t make it disappear, but dwelling on it will only keep you anchored in the quicksand of negativity, on the downward spiral of doom. Acknowledge your emotions, then practice mindful acceptance. It may not feel good at first, but it’s the first and most important step towards moving forward.
2. Interrogate the experience, not yourself. Instead of beating yourself up with a “what if” loop, use this as a learning opportunity. Analyze what went wrong, honestly and objectively. Did you overtrain? Underestimate your competition? Slack off or cut corners? Owning your part in the outcome, without self-flagellation is crucial for future growth.
3. Reassess your goals, not your worth. Just because you missed your mark doesn’t mean your goal was unrealistic. New goals await! It’s time to do some tweaking, a change in timeline and horizon, or even a complete overhaul of some sort. Remember, goals are fluid and you should be too. Adapting to this reality is the best way to stay on track.
4. Celebrate the small wins. Remember all the work you put in, the early mornings you conquered, the late nights, the doubts you silenced (internal and external). Those were victories, small, but significant. Focus on the progress you made, not just the final destination. Recognizing your incremental steps is key to maintaining motivation. Be inspired by YOU!
5. Find your inspiration. Surround yourself with people who believe in you, who understand the sting of failure and the power of resilience. Seek out stories of those who stumbled and got back up, stronger and wiser. Let their journeys be your north star, reminding you that failure is not a dead end, but a stepping stone.

The truth is, achieving your goals is rarely a linear trajectory. There will be stumbles, wrong turns, and moments where you question everything. But it’s in these moments of failure that we discover our true strength, our capacity to adapt, and our unwavering dedication to do what we desire most. So, swallow that bitter pill of unmet expectations, remember your WHY, and keep going. The next summit awaits your ascent, and the view from there will be even sweeter because of the bruises you earned along the way – badges of honor. Now go forth and conquer, with lessons learned and heart ablaze.